Bhāvanā

I've been sitting on this photos since I took it over two months ago. I thought I'd keep it until I had something to really "say" about my life up to this point. Well, two months later and I just turned 50 years old and I still don't have anything to really "say." I've been an artist all my life but will never be known as one. After years of experimenting and working in a variety of mediums I eventually choose photography as my means of expressing myself. Unfortunately this coincides with a time when being a photographer is greatly devalued. This has resulted in my never having become rich or famous (which was never a goal to begin with). It has also caused moments of self doubt and feelings of worthlessness at times. Being an artist still has power over my identity. It's changed over the past ten years from being what medium I working in to how I live my life on a daily basis. It's no longer so much about the method of how I create something but about experiencing life as it unfolds and trying to really appreciate what is happening around me. Life seems to keep placing me in the exact right places at the exact right times. I don't take any of it for granted. I'm a very fortunate man indeed, even though I am not wealthy or popular. My barometer is my family, especially my daughter. I'm also constantly amazed at how my timing seems to just "work out." Take this photo for instance. I've come to this dock at night for many years just to think. I ended up here randomly after a night in self reflection, listening to the drums of the Tuchux as I sat nearby their encampment. I happened to have my camera and tripod and decided to take a self portrait. By the time I took this shot, holding still as I meditated, the moon had risen above me. I left feeling resolved to continue trying to be the best father & husband I could be. It's how I stand against the darkness in the world.

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